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The new scourge on the American Women

That’s right. It’s constipation.

If you haven’t noticed the sudden algae bloom of fiber cereals in your local grocery store (and advertised on your favorite late-nite tv show), you may still have picked up on the not so subtle messages from our friend Jamie Lee Curtis and the good people at Activia. Or maybe you tried the Yoplait spin off yogurt. Maybe, just maybe, you’ve seen the commercial for new OTC Miralax. If you have, or if you live under a rock but still suffer from occasional constipation or “irregularity” as they call it in the biz, you’re nearly garunteed to have a pair of XX chromosomes. Or at least, that’s what the advertisers seem to think.

Yes, suddenly American women are shitting raisins, and many of us not even that. WTF femenists? Why can’t we go? I would love to be a fly on the wall of shareholders meeting. “OK folks. We’ve already revived all those 80’s diet fads. Striptease cardio is so last year, all the good diet drugs are illegal now and Alli is making everyone shit their pants.  So how can we keep bankrupting women? Wait, I know! Constipation! Amazing! Brilliant!” So I want to know: is it really that women do suffer more constipation than men? Are we singlehandedly supporting the laxative and digestive aid market? Has it always been this way? And if not, what changed to make American women so damn anal retentive? OR is it all in our heads?

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some big news…

Something big has happened in Tinsel Town. Well, not really (i just happened to be there when it went down). The Anonymous New York City university has changed. I’ll still graduate in 2009, except now, graduation is in May. And the local is Uptown.

more soon.

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Think Europe’s so great?

Think again. So, if you know me, you know the one thing I hate most in intellectual worlds is the circle jerk that is Western Europe. Sure, this blog is called 3rd World Imagineer, so you can tell pretty quickly where my biases lie, but when is the study abroad set going to stop throwing accolades on the place that, among other things, fostered the Nazi’s and invented ethnic cleansing? Oh yes, we ignorant Americans have so much to learn!

You may ask, but sonja, wasn’t that 100, 60, and 40 years ago? NO! No no no, my maosketeers!  In fact, it was today, this week, this year, and all the freaking time. Right now, Western Europe’s study abroad darling, Italy, is doing the most racist thing to happen in Europe in…well, it hasn’t been that long. I could go on for years about how fascist and racist and xenophobic supposedly “liberal” and “enlightened” Western European countries are. But this just rankles above the rest. 

The long-suffering Roma,aka Gypsies, about a third of whom were murdered in the Holocaust and whose lives have gotten nothing short of impossible since the fall of the Soviet Union (where  discrimination was at least illegal on paper!) got hit with another blow recently in Italy. IF you’ve been reading, I’ve blogged a few times about this already, but things have gotten a lot worse this week. Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has declared it will take a “census” of the Roma, by fingerprinting every Roma man, woman, and child. 

“IF you substitute the word Jew for the word Roma, you’re exactly where you were 60 years ago” said Glen Ford on Talk of the Nation.  

According to NPR, most Italian officials would like you to believe that “wherever there are Roma there are robberies” . A rash (or if you’re NPR, a spate) of rapes and robberies are being blamed on the Roma (does this sound familiar? Anyone????), and so the plan is to fingerprint the Roma. All of them. Just so they have it.

It’s not just Roma who are suffering. Anyone who is brown, black, Jewish or Muslim is starting to feel the tight, tight borders of Europe’s so called tolerance. IN my humble opinion, fuck anyone who comes back from Western Europe with their nose in the air, talking about all that America has to learn. As fucked up as we are, it looks like we’re the ones they should be learning from.

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In other news:

In a piece of truly hardhitting investigative journalism, The LA Times reports how it’s laying off 250 of its own staffers.

A giant recall of Ralph’s brand beef yanked off the shelves. 

It’s a Small World, my favorite Disneyland ride (and eternal leitmotif), ranks in the  top five Worst Rides at Disneyland  for the OC Register. 

I’m too tired to report all the other stuff. I’ll tell you later

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My first terrorist

As many of you may now be aware, there was a big bomb scare at LAX this morning, delaying more than 100 flights, and really irritating travelers. Because I haven’t managed to upload my photos yet, you can check out the LATimes scant spread . I chatted with folks headed everywhere from Delhi to Tel Aviv to Arizona, all waiting to figure out why the fuck they were sitting on the Departures deck between terminal 3 and terminal 4. 

Turns out, some nutjob with a backpack told traffic officers onsite that he had a bomb. How many millions of dollars were lost over one poor lost soul who would still be in a mental institution if not for Ronald Regan?

The world may never know. 

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Mauled by the Bear Market: Food costs rising, health on the down

A deeply necessary trip to the grocery store leads to today’s post. It’s pretty hipster to defect from mainstream anything, and we all know how I hate those kids, but as of today I officially defect from the mainstream grocery stores. Turn in my Ralph’s card and forget Trader Joe’s. If it’s not Valley Produce or Foods4Less, I just can’t do it.

That’s because, according to the Fed’s (via the NYTimes) “the cost of food for what the government considers a minimum nutritional diet has risen 7.2 percent nationwide” this year. Since I’m bad at math, that’s like nearly a ten percent rise on an off-brand, mostly processed 2000 calorie a day diet. Conventional wisdom holds that a rise in food prices might start affecting America’s expanding waistline (food costs more=people eat less, right?) but what we know about 1st World poverty and from the American Academy of Pediatrics, pretty much the opposite is true.

According to the AMA: “[Obesity] kills more Americans every year than AIDS, all cancers and all accidents combined”

There are already “deep racial and ethnic disparities in childhood obesity” that, with the increased cost of food, and especially of fresh, green food, will continue to rise.

It’s a bad time to be getting sicker.  More of the same from Los Angeles.The Health reporters at the LATimes continue to kick ass and take names, despite their newspaper’s own precipitous decline of late. In today’s paper, a tiny bit of digging in the state files reveals that about 100 California hospital patients are harmed a month by totally preventable errors. You may be shocked. Your mother may be shocked. But Pop Teal and I, we are not shocked. At all.

When you’re sitting there reminding the night nurse to do the peak and trough on your IV meds, or that, hey, that insulin is for my geriatric roommate, well, not a lot about the american healthcare system shocks you. Like that one time, when I was 11 and my appendix was removed prophylacticly during an unrelated surgery. Weird shit happens. Unfortunately, California’s quirky hospitals are also killing people.

Maybe we can start selling our organs. Boost the profit margin for the health industry, make a little extra cash for the instant french roast.

Hello 3rd World. It’s us, the 1st. Turns out, the recession/global food crisis thing is sucking for us too. I know, sux right? Totaaalllyyy.

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3rdWorldFacebook

A imagineery Times of India article about the Wonderful World of Facebook. Apparently, the Facebook has made the long overdue syntactical magic-wand-wave forcing users to pick a gender. Step right up, folks! Pick a gender, any gender!  What at first seemed boring/and or annoyingly Berkeley/SF LGBT-PC (i’m sure the story will that angle very, very soon…it may take as many as four pico-seconds), turned out to be a proverbial thorn in the side of Facebook’s army of translators. Yes, users in Bangladesh need you to please specify your gender so they can stalk you.  How imagineery is that?

According to the Times:
“In English, when users fail to specify what gender they are, Facebook defaults to some form of the gender neutral, plural pronoun “they.” That option is unavailable when the plural is always masculine or feminine in other languages.”

Yes, around the planet, everyone loves wasting time on the Facebook.

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